lostrealm | (no subject)

Characters: Signless, Disciple, Dolorosa, Helmsman and Psii [CLOSED]
Date: Any time from Dolorosa's arrival to the present
Format: Whichever!
Content Warnings: None for now
Summary: Life in the holy bros hive

It's not the easiest of arrangements, each of them having different rooms to stay in scattered about, but they've made it work somehow. Helmsman tucked in comfortably in a bed and Di and Signless bedding down on the floor next to him along with frequent visits to Psii to make sure that he's okay. And then Dolorosa arrived and took charge of mothercluckbeasting all of them, and with the amount of time they all spend trying to be close to each other...well. They're going to need to step up their efforts at getting their own place.

But in the meantime they're together, and that makes just about anything bearable.

((ooc: go ahead and post individual threads, just mark the where and when and whether they're open to the whole family or meant for someone in particular!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"And everything bad." It's something he has to admit, because it is true. They'd always known they'd never live to see the future they'd dreamed, especially him. What lowblood ever lived to see old age? Let alone a heretic. Maybe if they'd succeeded it would have all been worth it, but it'd all been in vain.

All that suffering and nothing to show for it.

Signless tilts his face into her hand and he doesn't ask for forgiveness. Where really was so much he wanted to say but for the first time in his life all the words just get jumbled up and stuck.

"That's not true, Signless. My life was empty before I met you," she says, smiling at him, soft and gently and with her eyes full of affection. "I'll never regret joining you. Never."

She kisses his cheek and then holds him quietly. There's no need for him to ask for forgiveness. There's nothing for her to forgive.

He's been so frustrated. Angry. Something burning hot deep inside of him that bubbles and churns like it wants to rip through his skin to be free and he bites his tongue, literally, to keep from arguing with her. It isn't her and he refuses to take it out on her, but it's hard sometimes because he doesn't want to hear it. He has too much guilt, and he wears it like irons and chains.

Signless rests his head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent off her hair as he tries to let her sooth him.

"Love...love, please. If you need to talk about things then do." She can tell when he's genuinely soothed and when he's only keeping his feelings bottled up so as not to hurt her, and she leans back a little to try and get a look at his face. "None of us want to see you hurting like this..."

"What more is left to say?" His words come as a harsh whisper, like he's trying to remain quiet. "If I go on I feel I may end up screaming and never stop."

"Then scream if you need to," she tells him, tilting her head to look up into his face, tears and sorrow in her eyes but also so much affection, a burning need to help him work through his pain. "Because one day it will be easier, and you will stop, and perhaps all of this won't weigh so heavily on you anymore."

"I can't." He lead their people into ruin, he can't imagine that ever not being a crushing weight. "It will do nothing but worry and frighten the others."

"They are worried already, Signless," Di says with a quiet sigh, brushing the backs of her fingertips against his cheek. "You've always thought of others before yourself, always, but now what we need is for you to think of yourself for a while."

"I have no intention of worrying them more than I have already." He turns his head to press a kiss to those gentle fingers. "I will be alright, my love. I always am."

She touches her fingertips to his lips as he kisses them, leaning her head against his for a moment. "Hush, Signless. You don't need to push yourself with me, you know that. You will be all right again, I promise, whatever it takes, but you don't need to pretend in the meantime. Things have been very hard on you."

"If I don't push then I may fall apart completely and I will not do that. I can't." It's not that he's trying to hold back from her, it's just frightening to feel as though he's on the verge of completely unraveling. Not only is he trying to keep himself together for everyone else, he doesn't want to give the empire the satisfaction of breaking him.

"All right," she sighs and kisses his face, his cheeks and jaw and lips, quick but loving kisses. "We'll do things whatever way you need us to." But she's still worried that the more he's healing physically the farther away he's moving from them mentally and emotionally.

He doesn't mean for it to seem like he's pulling away, but all that hate and rage is eating away at him inside and for once he's just so very lost. Signless leans into her, wrapping his arms around her. He needs her, even if he's been at an uncharacteristic lost for words recently. "I'm sorry."

"Shoosh. No apologies," she whispers in return, holding him close, cradling him to her. She buries her face against the top of his head, between those nubby horns of his that she adores so much, and rocks him gently, comfortingly.